Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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