Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
