You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
