You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
