I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
