yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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