What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
