So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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