he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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