Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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