Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
