Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
