You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
