she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
