I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
