End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
