Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
