I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
