im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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