I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
