Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
