i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
