Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
