I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
