just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
