She said her name was "party"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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