I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
