I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
