Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
