I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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