that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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