im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize