his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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