the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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