We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
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Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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