I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
