i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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