apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
