In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
