Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
