the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
