2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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