Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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