rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
