You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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