You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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