i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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