Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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