I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
