Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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