I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
