Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
