I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my vag is so smooth its legendary
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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