Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
