she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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