i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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