Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize