someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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