Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
