my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Less talking, more tequila
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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