Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
