what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This is my gift to your gina
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
