i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
