The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
