she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
