he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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