god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize