There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
