What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
