I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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