Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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