god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
