literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
