Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
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So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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