ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
