There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
