my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
pray to the hookup gods
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
