she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
