I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
